Surviving Friday the 13th

It is now 8.30 on the 14th. As the title says, yesterday was the world famous day of bad luck, and boy did it mess with me.

I went to work without checking the weather, it started to pour down with rain. I was wearing a t-shirt and I had to run in and out of the delivery car, and since I didn’t have a jacket with me – you can imagine how much fun that was. Not to mention that I had to drive two extra trips for a couple of portions that where missing.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been cutting down my caffeine intake (cause it’s insane) but I felt very disorganized and I kept dropping stuff and I was just very awkward over all.

So I am thrilled to have a couple of days off and just be in my own space. Possibly do some indoor gardening as I’ve been wanting to grow my own herbs for the longest time now. Something about a personal herb garden just speaks to me.

I hope today is a much more calm day.

//R

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a day on just tea.

I’m trying to cut back on my coffee intake. It’s difficult, but at least I’m trying.

Today I’m trying tea as a replacement to see if it makes a difference to my mood or if its any different at all.

If anything, I hope it’s more calming because coffee does increase my anxiety levels, I’m not gonna lie.

Let’s find out

small life update.

it’s tuesday night, and somehow it’s july already..
you’ve probably heard a lot of people say this by now but where the hell has the time gone? i’m genuinely wondering

i’m still in working mode almost every day. i’m covering for the delivery driver the whole summer and it’s actually pretty chill work. i get to drive around the county and be by myself a lot. which is what i need at the moment, to be honest, as i’ve been feeling a bit lost in my life lately and a lot of exhaustion and what not.

in other news, i’ve decided to give up my Kokkola-apartment as i don’t really feel at home there and haven’t for a very long time now. i don’t really see a point in staying there because i’ve spent a lot of my time in Alaveteli and i feel drawn back to the country side. i’m just not a city-girl, what can i say.
i think it will do me good to come back home for a while. i’ve been trying to make decisions in a rush and stress for the past 5 years and anyone sensible knows that that’s not really the best way to go.  i’m 21 and i should know better.

i’ve done small lifestyle-improvements lately that have been noticeably helping with lifting up my mood. i’ve been journaling (as i do), been starting my day with a zen colouring book in the morning, psyched myself into a calm state and learned how to stay in it during stressful days, been drinking night time-tea (HUGE recommendation), been drinking loads more water and taken care of my skin. it may not seem like much but it’s done all the difference in the world once i’ve got it into my daily routine.

the future goal for me is to give myself time and not put so much pressure on myself. because in the end, i’ve always been my own biggest critic. also, these posts have turned in a self-reflection direction but i told myself i was going to be more real on here so that’s what i’m doing.

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Roadtrip to Tuuri

Today I went on a little roadtrip with my family to Tuuri, to the massive nation-known department store Veljekset Keskinen. Its pretty much a huge store in the middle of nowhere in a small village but it attracts people from all around.

I found myself this lovely fabric bag with a beautiful red apple pattern on it. I’ve been looking for a bag like this for a long time so I had to have it, haha.

I also got a phone-holder for my car so I can track GPS better and some salmiakki and chewing gum as well. Plus a few bottles of water as I didn’t want anyone to be dehydrated.

We’re gonna stop for coffee next 🙂

//R

my travel bucket list

travel is a big passion of mine. i’m not really about the beach-vacations, i like exploring more. that’s what makes it interesting to me. 

even though i’ve been to quite a few places in my life time already, i still feel like my list is very short and i wrote down all the cities in the world i’d like to see in a near future, perhaps some of them later this year. 

i love making lists like this cause it keeps me motivated to go see places i want to see

giving myself time.

hello once again.

it is i

i’ve been pondering a lot lately about my well being and i’ve come to the conclusion that i need to give myself time. there’s no use in rushing trying to get myself to feel better cause then i’ll just feel worse and anyone with a brain knows that there’s no use in that. i need to somehow psych myself into thinking that i’m good enough and not overthink every single thing cause that’s the very source of why i feel the way i do. i keep saying i need change but i need to stop and think and give it time. good things come to those who wait, right? let’s hope so. 

because i do believe that if i give it time, it will turn into something good. 

i suppose in a way, this is a public reminder for myself to not try to rush good things in life and to give myself time. 

this post is a lot of rambling but this is something i need right now and it would be idiotic to just ignore it.

i had this realization while i was down by the river this evening. i need to do this more often cause its so calming and it puts my mind at such ease

//R

giving myself a break.

sometimes social media gets too much. at least for me.

lately i’ve felt such pressure to post for some reason just because i see other people pushing their own limit to create and do what they do best.

i admire that.

i would like to be able to do so as well. but right now, it is only wise to realize that i cannot. i can’t force post, i can’t do it just for the sake of posting and having content because if i post something only for that reason, it shows. 

and right now, i have a million things on my mind and i can’t focus if my mind is thinking about one thing and doing another. i’m exhausted, life has caught up to me to tell me to calm the hell down and take a break and just focus on important things for a while.

so that’s what i’m gonna do. give myself a break. i’ve never said these words before but i deserve it. self care, clarity and calmness is what i need right now

i just dont know if i’m necessarily where i want to be right now

i’ll see you sooner or later

//R

another saturday update.

hello and good morning.

it’s been a while. work got in the way, i’ve been getting up at 5 am every day again for the past week and my life has just been a bit of a mess and it’s been difficult to calm down.

but now i have 3 days off in a row and it feels so luxurious, haha.

i’m at my parents house right now, and as much as i would love to just lay around all day today, i can’t, as i am helping my mom out for a large family get together tomorrow so i have a small checklist that i need to accomplish today including going grocery shopping, cleaning my old room (cause it’s a hot mess) and doing a few work-related things on my computer.

i’m just glad that i didn’t need to get up so early today, if anything.

i feel like i only update on weekends now, but nothing wrong with that as saturday and sunday have been my typical days off and that often gives me a chance to calm down and reflect. next week is gonna be a bit different though but nothing wrong with that.
i’ve also been thinking in the back of my head that i should make a few changes to this blog but also don’t want it to feel forced or anything cause i don’t mind if it stays the same. it’s just that writing an About Me-section is something i’ve always struggled with and the one i have right now feels okay but it also could use some work.

alright, gonna finish up my coffee now and gonna try to not procrastinate so much today 🙂

//R

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a day of no coffee.

When it comes to coffee, I have a problem. It’s not news, everyone knows this. Today I’m going an entire day without it, to see if it can reduce my anxiety- and stress-levels.

I’m blogging to you from work today and so far I’ve had a vitamin and about 4 cups of water. I’m tired but I have a good feeling about it – so far. I hope I don’t get too cranky, if I do, and annoy the hell out of my co-workers. 

Got a 5 hour shift today so it should be fine. Should, haha

//R

lazy saturday.

I’ve spent most of my day inside my apartment today. I slept 15 hours which was not a surprise because I’ve been surviving on 5,5 hours every day before work this week so I really needed it.

Didn’t leave my apartment til 8.30 p.m. to go to the store and I was so excited to see bagels being sold. Its a real shame that pre-packaged bagels aren’t sold in stores in Finland because I would probably be their biggest source of income, haha

Other than that, not much has happened today. Pretty calm and peaceful being on my own for an entire day. More of this, please 🙂

//R